If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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