the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
