How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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