Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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