this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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