btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
