You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
