took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
