I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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