i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
