Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
