And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
