If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
