he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
