The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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