I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We left the knife in your bed.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
