i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
