he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
