I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
