She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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