i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
