I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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