but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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