I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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