there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
