How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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