I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
she peed on how many people?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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