It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
