I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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