Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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