whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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