i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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