Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
