he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
