Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
