dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
