you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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