There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
