OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
