Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
