I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
