Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
