listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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