Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Randomize
