the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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