I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
