Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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