u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
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