I CAN MOONWALK!
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
