My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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