There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
