i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
