Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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