"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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